I've written before about mothers missing from their own family photos. Dads are missing too, in a different way.
They're often in the photos. They're just standing at the back. Arms folded, polite smile, slightly to the side, like someone who wandered into a picture he wasn't invited to. When I go through a family's old photos with them, the dads are almost never in the close, tender frames. Those belong to mum and the baby.
But watch a father with a small child for ten minutes and you'll see some of the best material a photographer could ask for. The lifting. The shoulders. The way a toddler's whole hand fits around one of his fingers. It's just that nobody points a camera at it.
Why dads end up at the edge of the frame
A few reasons, from what I've seen:
- They don't think it's for them. "Family photos" often feels like a mum's project. Dad's role is to show up in a clean shirt.
- They don't like being photographed. Lots of men haven't had a photo taken of them on purpose since their wedding. They don't know what to do with their hands.
- Nobody asks for those photos. Mothers ask for photos with their children. Fathers rarely do, even when they'd love to have them.
None of these mean dads don't care. Every father I've photographed has, at some point in the gallery, a frame where he's completely forgotten the camera. Those are usually the ones the family prints.
What I photograph when dads are in the picture
I don't pose dads. I give them something to do with their child, and I photograph that.
Lifting. Up in the air, onto the hip, upside down if the child is the giggling kind. Dads tend to be the ones who throw. It's the most natural thing in the world for them, and the light catches it beautifully.
Shoulders and piggybacks. A child up high, holding onto dad's hair, looking out at the world. Walking away from me, then back.
Walking together. A small hand in a big one. I'll ask a dad to take his child for a slow walk down a path and photograph them from behind, then from the side.
Something quiet. Reading a book on a blanket, looking at a leaf together, a sleepy child on his chest. At Evan's second-birthday session in the meadow, my favourite frame is his dad Roman reading him a picture book in front of the banner, with Olia watching the two of them.
Close and still. A father's cheek against a baby's head. Eyes closed. These are the frames dads are most surprised by when they see the gallery.
Sessions just for dad and child
A family session doesn't have to be everyone. Some of the sessions I'd most like to do more of are just a father and one child:
- Dad and baby, in the first year, when the baby still fits along his forearm.
- Dad and toddler, out for a walk somewhere with trees and a bit of room to run.
- Dad and daughter, dad and son, at any age. Even teenagers can be talked into it, especially if there's food after.
A 30-minute mini session is often all a father-and-child session needs. It's short enough that a camera-shy dad will agree to it.
How to get a camera-shy dad to enjoy it
If your partner is the one who'll need convincing, here's what helps:
- Tell him it's short. Thirty minutes, an hour at most. Not an afternoon.
- Tell him he won't have to pose. He'll be playing with his kids. I'll do the rest.
- Give him a job. Carrying the child, chasing the child, making the child laugh. Dads relax the moment they have something to do.
- Don't make him smile. I'm photographing him looking at his child, not at me.
- Let him dress like himself. A soft shirt in a calm colour, sleeves rolled up. No stiff collar he'll fidget with. My what-to-wear guide has palettes that work for the whole family.
By the second half of almost every session, the dad who was most reluctant at the start is the one rolling in the grass.
A gift idea, if you're wondering
A dad-and-child session makes a good Father's Day gift, or a birthday one. I offer gift certificates, and they don't expire. Send me a note and I'll put one together.
Frequently asked questions
What should dads wear for family photos? Something soft and simple in a calm colour that goes with the rest of the family: oat, sage, soft blue, warm grey, denim. Avoid big logos and very bright white. Rolled sleeves look relaxed and give his hands something to do.
What are good father and son photoshoot ideas? Lifting and swinging, shoulder rides, a slow walk hand in hand, reading together, and quiet close-ups with cheeks touching. I'd skip anything staged. The real interaction is always better.
Can I book a session just for my partner and our child? Yes. Any of my sessions can be for just two people. A 30-minute mini is often a good fit for a father and one child.
My husband hates having his photo taken. Will it still work? Almost always. He won't be posing, he'll be playing with his child. Most reluctant dads forget the camera within ten minutes.
